"We Demand to be Taken Seriously!" a 2020 Hanukkah Cryptic Extravaganza

original artwork by yours truly

Hello all! Apologies for the lack of posts in the last two weeks, but hopefully the next eight days (!) of puzzles can make up for it. For Hanukkah 2020 (slash 5781), I'll be posting a cryptic-like puzzle for the first six nights, a bonus on the seventh as a brief intermission, and it'll all culminate with a meta on the eight night. I've tried to make these puzzles accessible and interesting to folks who are new to cryptics and experienced solvers alike, and as always there are more than a few whacky/novel cluing angles to be found throughout. Find the set-up/story here (yes i am well aware the theme is ridiculous), and the list of puzzles below! Chag Sameach, and have fun!

Many thanks to those who helped me develop/edit the set, especially Pacho and Story of the NPL for inspiring the two non-cryptic puzzles as well as the slew of test-solvers who caught various mistakes and help clean up some clues. Full acknowledgements to be posted with the wrap-up, which I'll put up with the solutions + full puzzle pack (for those who'd prefer to binge solve) in eight day's time. For now, keep checking this post for updates every day, usually around 5-6pm. Enjoy the puzzles, and please feel free to reach out with any questions, comments, feedback, complaints, or anything of the sort!

List of Puzzles (updated daily):

1. The Semicolony (Dec 10)
2. hack/slash (Dec 11)
3. The Carat Cake Bakery (Dec 12)
4. Dotty and the Line Dancers (Dec 13: error found 9:00pm, the down arrow with a 9 should actually have a 12. will fix asap)
5. Space in Vaders In case the crossed-out text is hard to read, here's the list below the clues. (Dec 14)
6. The Tarot Bang Inn (Dec 15)
7. Bonus: PUNctuation Mark (Dec 16: error found 9:30pm, had a wrong letter, fixed in file now!)
8. Meta: We Demand to be Taken Seriously! (Dec 17)

New as of December 15: Fancy answer checker! If you wanna make sure you have the right answers, hop over here and follow the instructions. Also, if you have feedback or want hints, there's an option for that too!

As a final note, if you enjoy the puzzles, please consider donating to one of these charities to make the world a better place. Hopefully eight free puzzles warrant at least a tiny donation to a good cause, especially during the Holiday season. Specifically, I'll hop on this train of fantastic people: if this GoFundMe reaches 400 backers, I'll put out one more cryptic before the new year. Every dollar counts, and it'd be great to put some good into the world right about now to make up for the long year we've all had.

Barred Cryptic #6: Themes and Variations (plus Variety-ish Cryptic-ish #1!)

Hello all! Two thematically related puzzles today - one of a genre I've been meaning to try out for a while, and one that's less of a crossword and more of a "here's a list of clues, have fun!" type puzzle. Thanks for kormad and Ra for test-solving. I'd recommend solving the Themes and Variations first, just because the second puzzle (name witheld) might spoil the nature of the thematic entries. I absolutely adore Themes and Variations-type puzzles, but they can be tricky, so I've included an example set as well as three hints for the actual puzzle, so hopefully it's decently accessible. Onto the explanation!

In the puzzle, there will be 3 "Themes" that have something in common. Each of these will also have 3 variations (only two in this example), that are derived from/related to/have something in common with the theme in some way. For example, were the 3 theme words SNAP, CRACKLE, and POP, the variations may be:

1. PANS: STOP and REMIT (reversals of kitchen tools)
2. CRACKLE: CACKLER and RECLACK (anagrams)
3. POP: SIS and MOM (palindromic family members)

In general, it might help to think of the different forms of cryptic wordplay you use in general when solving. If you get stuck, there’s three levels of hints (all ROT-13’ed) below the interactive solver that might give you the push you need. Find the pdf here and the PuzzleMe client below. Once you've finished, enjoy a smaller variety puzzle with pdf here or a copy-able Google Sheets here. Hope you all are staying safe and enjoying the puzzles!

Hint 1: Bar tebhc vf pbaarpgrq ubzbcubavpnyyl, bar jvgu “cersvkrf," naq bar jvgu qryrgvbaf.

Hint 2: Gur ubzbcubar tebhc vf “zvffvat” sbhe jbeqf. Gur qryrgvba tebhc qryrgrf gur yrggref C, B, L, naq L. Gur cersvk tebhc sbezf n purzvpny grez, n yvathvfgvp grez, naq n gurbybtvpny grez.

Hint 3 (essentially the explanation of each theme group): Gur inevngvbaf bs gurzr jbeq N pna nyy cerprqr gur gurzr jbeq gb sbez arj jbeqf. Gurzr tebhc O vf znqr hc bs snzbhf qbtf zvffvat gurve ynfg yrggre ynfg yrggre qryrgvbaf (n yn FABBCL > FABBC). Gurzr jbeq P naq vgf frg bs inevngvbaf vf znqr hc bs jbeqf gung ubzbcubavpnyyl znxr hc 2/3 bs fbzr bgure snzbhf gevbf, jvgu zvffvat jbeqf crnpr, ynetr, ba, naq cnepry.

Barred Cryptic #5: Tag Yourself! (with Amanda Rafkin and Finn Vigeland)

Very special puzzle today, for a variety of reasons! First of all, I got to work with two incredibly talented constructors, and we had a blast writing a bunch of whacky, weird, and fresh cryptic clues. Second, it's a super pretty grid (keep reading to find out why)! Third, and most importantly, today is National Coming Out Day, and since it falls on the same day as Matt Bomer's my birthday, I'm using it as the perfect time to come out as bi to my family, and to the crossword community. Obviously the only way to do this is with a cryptic: more specifically, a very meme-y queer qryptic, which you can find below.

Before the puzzle, I have many a thank (and a request!) to give. I can't begin to describe how lucky I am to have worked with Finn and Amanda: they're such great people, both way more talented than I am at writing puzzles, and they're also just generally hilarious. I hope the fun we had while writing the clues is obvious from the puzzle. Also, this puzzle wouldn't have happened without Queer Qrosswords' Nate Cardin, who inspired me to make this puzzle, set me up with my two co-constructors, and made this a reality. Sending love and gratefulness to you all ♥ Here's some quick thoughts from Amanda and Finn:

Hey all, I'm Finn (he/him). I've written many crosswords but proud to be marking my cryptic debut on this auspicious day. Follow my twitter if you like crosswords, transportation, or Survivor.

Hi! I’m Amanda (she/her), here to represent the UHAUL category 😉. I’ve been solving cryptics for about a year, but this was my first time participating in the creation of one, and I have to say it was a lot of fun! Not to mention an amazing opportunity to do something for such an important and meaningful day. Thanks for putting this together, David!

Finally, if you enjoy the puzzle (or if you've enjoyed any of my puzzles!) and have the means, please consider donating to an LGBTQ+ charity today - I know I can't provide as much fun as the full Queer Qrossword packs, but now more than ever, these communities need support. My blog will always be free, but I hope the enjoyment it's given you is worth at least a small donation to one of these very worthy charities.

Time for links! Two versions of the puzzle: one that's fairly normal, and one that's "disastrous, functional, and distinguished," with clues all mixed up (and a few more antics to be found). Also, you can grab the pdf in full color or in black and white. For online solvers, just keep scrolling and you'll find the "normal" version in interactive form below! Here are the standard versions, in color and black and white; and here are the "disastrous" ones, again in color and black and white. Enjoy the solve, and a happy NCOD to the whole LGBTQ+ crossword (and non-crossword!) family.

Barred Cryptic #4: Global Warning

Hi all! Apologies for the late post - I'll be moving my publication date to Sunday night for the forseeable future, just so I can keep up with school stuff during the week.

This puzzle is hopefully more immediately approachable than my previous ones - it's still a variety cryptic, but the instructions are a lot shorter than usual. The theme entry is just one entry on a long list of possible "Green Policy Now" slogans that I believe in and would love to fit into a crossword. Whether or not you enjoy the puzzle, make sure you're registered and ready to vote in November! This puzzle is me urging you to consider giving your votes to candidates who are making progressive climate change policy a priority.

Anyways, here's the pdf file, and for online solvers the grid is below. Haven't had time to finish up the solution grid, but I'll try to post it within the week. If you get stuck, click on the "Reveal Letter/Word" button in PuzzleMe for a quick hint! Best of luck, and enjoy!

Update Feb 2021 (wow that's late): Solution is up here!

Barred Cryptic #3: Funky Behavior

Hello All! So much to say in this post, but feel free to skip right to the puzzle/download files if you don't want to read my ramblings.

First off, congrats to all who participated in Lollapuzzoola this weekend! I had a great time co-solving with my family, and enjoyed seeing everyone's puns in the Twitch stream :)

On a totally different note, some exciting news about cryptics on this blog: PuzzleMe supports barred cryptics! They're a pain to input, but for any online solvers: I hope that me including it will make life a bit easier! In addition, I was able to add hints to each clue for this puzzle, telling you what kind of cryptic clue it is. Let me know if you like this, or if there are other types of hints you'd like to see instead.

Finally, a warning: this puzzle has some... substandard... clues which involve slightly “hidden” transformations. For example, while “loser” wouldn’t signify anything in most standard clues, here, it might indicate dropping an R, after you re-space the word as “lose R.” These can be tricky, so if you’re hesitant to try and find them on your own, I’ve ROT-13’ed a list of all such clues below, also including how you need to read the words that need reparsing. They're marked as "Funky Transformations" in the hints tab of the interactive puzzle below, which I think sums them up nicely. Anyways, onto the puzzle!

For pencil and paper solvers, here's the pdf, and for all who need clue or theme explanations once you're done, here's the solution! Hope you enjoy! Prepare for a non-variety cryptic next week, which'll have a theme near and dear to my heart.

Hints for the "Funky Transformations:" va gur svefg s pyhr, "hapnfg" zrnaf gb haqb gur "p nf g" genafsbezngvba: "pvgehf > pvpehf," juvpu arrqf nantenzzrq. va sbhegrra q, ernq "abo" nf "ab o," fb erzbir n o sebz bar jbeq gb trg nabgure. va fvkgrra q, jung unf punatrq orgjrra "unz" naq "uzz"? gel gb qrfpevor gur genafsbezngvba fhppvapgyl.

Barred Cryptics #1 and #2: Polar Opposites

Hello all! Today's post has two cryptic crosswords for your enjoyment - ideal for cosolving in pairs! Since they're barred, I've yet to figure out an in-browser way to post them, but the PDF is avaliable here.

Apologies in advance to two groups of people: those unfamiliar with the (slang-y) words central to the theme of each crossword, and those who are familiar with them but stopped saying them months (years?) ago when they went out of style. With a little Googling from the first group, and some forgiveness from the second, I hope they can still be a fun diversion! As always, email or comment with any questions or feedback :)